Maternity Lists

Truly crazy thoughts go through the minds of new mothers.

An actual list I wrote while 9 months pregnant and thinking about my maternity leave:

To do during leave:

  1. Scrapbook
  2. Clean out all closets (approximately 5, including a walk-in)
  3. Train for a 10K (not really a runner)
  4. Weave a basket
  5. Garden
  6. Tile the master bathroom (I’ve never tiled anything)

An actual list my husband left to me before leaving for work, while I was home on leave:

Try and do everyday:

  1. Eat lunch
  2. Brush your teeth
  3. Talk to someone
  4. Step outside

** note, showering was not on this list

A terrible children’s book

I was watching this video today at work and this woman was reading a book to her kids about all the last things they’ll experience as a parent and child as their little one gets bigger – the last time the parent will have to feed them. To brush their hair for them. The last time they carry the kid in their arms.   And so on and so forth, with many more utterly heartbreaking examples of the small things that will haunt parents as their once little babies grow bigger and bigger before their very eyes.

I don’t know who wrote this book, but I hate them. If you are reading this, and you wrote that book, yes, I hate you. And I’m not even sorry.

My child is the joy of my life. My husband and I appreciate him so much – and we pat ourselves on the back for how much we appreciate him and have no regrets. We appreciate the way little T walks, how he copies what he sees adults do and how he points to the bear on his wall and his little butt and how he runs to us or says “mama” by the door when I’m coming home and how he points to the moon in the sky and a gazillion other amazing things his baby brain tells his baby body to do that are minor miracles that I’ve already forgotten.

I never understood when people said, “it goes so fast.” For the first 6 months of his life, I frequently commented that it felt like he was around for 5 years. That time was going so slow. My perspective was different. I was living between 18-22 hours of every single day, with a baby attached to my body. I wasn’t on adult time. Eating lunch seemed like an impossible feat.   I was at the mercy of a sick twisted (adorable!!!!) dictator and my sentence was ticking away slowly.
Then, a shift occurred. I went back to my work, to the adult world, to regular normaltown time. Time flies. My baby boy is quickly becoming a big boy. A big, adorable, sweet, smart boy.  A boy who kidnapped my helpless, innocent little baby and hid him away forever.

Screw you lady for reminding me that he’s just going to keep growing. That time will continue to march on. That my toddler really will quickly grow up and grow taller than me and really get to a point where I can’t pick him up.

Right now, I want to hold him in my arms and read nursery rhymes to him and watch him learn to eat yogurt and speak nonsense sentences, thank you very much.   Stop reminding me of the inevitable future. Like my little boy, I want to live in the moment.

Subway comments

People feel like they can make comments to moms with babies in public.

I overheard the following comment while waiting for the subway this morning.

“Do you think it’s safe to have him strapped to your body like that? You really should have a baby that small in a stroller.”

I turned around and saw an average middle-aged woman (clearly a lunatic) with a huge, fake smile talking to a 30-somethingish woman with her small infant in an Ergo carrier.  This mom was obviously on her way to work, probably dropping her kid off at daycare, and pretty clearly had her shit together.  She sort of just smiled back, and made some jovial, generic conversation about babies, commuting, blah, blah, blah.

For anyone not familiar with the nightmarish task of navigating the NYC subways with a baby, take my word for it – it’s terrible.  They are a steaming, hot mess.  A hellish crowded maze.   They claim there are elevators but there are no elevators, and they say a train is one station away but there are no trains.  Everyone is late and mad and half insane.  The process of commuting is 10,000 times harder with an infant.

Today, this poor woman was just trying to get to the damn daycare so she could get to her office on time.  Trust me, strapping that kid to your body is the absolute best way to go.  But that is not the point.

Why would anyone say anything to this mom? She wasn’t doing anything unsafe.  My question is, why say anything?  She was clearly the type of person who needs to talk to someone. You know, like the type of blowhard you see in the gym locker room and avoid making eye contact with because they are just dying to tell you something about their neighbor or the news or some train repairs or complain about the guy at the front desk.  These people who love the sound of their own voices and think their opinions are very, very valuable.  And correct.  Well, lunatic lady on the subway, you are not correct. In fact, that nice, working mom is a saint for not telling you off in a moment of blind rage.  I’ve seen much much worse for less serious social offenses out there on the subway platforms.

For any middle-aged, crazy advice givers who feel like imparting their wisdom to strangers who happen to be new mothers, or mothers of any age,  or women of any age, please keep it to yourself.  WE. DON’T. CARE.  Me having a baby in public does not give you the right to give me your opinion.