Everyone you know is a big fat liar. Other moms are the worst. Your own mom is probably a liar.

These are not just social media lies. These are big, fat, real life to your face lies.

These are some of the biggest ones that I’ve been tricked into believing.

People live in clean houses.

No one’s house is clean. It’s impossible. Unless you have a live in housekeeper who’s really on their game, or are my friend Eunice. She’s in PR and her husband is an attorney and they both spend a gazillion hours in their offices and have no kids, so their place might be clean. Except they live in New York City, so probably not. Told you.

People successfully do things themselves.

DIY is a big fat lie, and while I mostly blame the internet, I also largely blame HGTV and Home Depot. We tried to plant and grow grass ourselves. There are countless blog post and books on the subject. I assure you, it’s impossible. Gardening is next to impossible. I take that back – it’s possible to maintain a garden after you pay a pro thousands of dollars to create one for you and then you just weed, water and fertilize a bit. No one has ever built anything good themselves. No tile project or pergola or dog house a lay person builds is actually of quality. These, dear readers, are lies.

Kids will eat food that is remotely healthy.

Pediatrician’s probably have lied to me about so many things, but lies about food are the worst. I believe it’s my main job to keep my kid alive and healthy. Yeah, I’ve made him try broccoli probably 50 times. And carrots. And apples. And string beans. He’s not “just getting used to it”. He will not learn to like it. He knows what he likes. And that’s chips, tortillas, cookies, ice cream, and French fries.

Normal adults can do meaningful things after a full day of work.

Is anyone doing anything after eating dinner and putting the kids to bed?

Who is living their best life, experiencing the world on a Tuesday? Oh, people that don’t have jobs.

Jeans are comfortable.

Bold faced lie told to me by fashion magazines, style bloggers, every single store in every single mall, and by that annoying pulled together friend of a friend who you run into on a Sunday and they look amazing and they don’t look like they are wearing makeup but are and who is wearing an amazing sweater and trendy sneakers and perfectly tailored jeans and when you say “you look so cute” they respond by acting confused and saying “these are my Sunday comfy jeans!!!” She’s just the biggest liar of them all.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *